Saying Goodbye

This friday we said goodbye to Paul. Ian and myself were asked to say a few words about our friend at the service.
It was the hardest thing I have ever done, I really have no idea how I managed to talk let alone make sense of the words I had written.
It was as if I was on autopilot, I felt as if I watched myself stand there and read.
It was a very emotional out of body experience and was a long, hard and sad day. Saying that it was warming to see so many old friends, remember old times and enjoy the company of Paul's many friends.
The hardest part is I am left with this feeling of wanting to tell him about it. I want to tell him about his mates I saw, about how funny the stories we remembered were and how much he was missed.
I guess that feeling isn't going to go away. It just leaves you with a real wave of sadness and a void in your life that feels endless. But at the service I said I wanted to be thankful for Paul being here rather than sad Paul is gone.
I'm trying to do that now.

Thanks again Paul.